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sb_fag_ends2016-01-20 02:16 pm
shapinglight) wrote in sb_fag_ends2016-01-20 02:16 pm
Entry tags:
Squid Are Friends, Not Food
A very stupid (and really terrible) ficlet for this month's prompts.
Setting: vaguely in the same post-series AU as this.
PG
For the prompt: Deep Fried Calamari
330 words
Thanks to Finding Nemo for the title (not for profit, please don't sue etc).
Squid Are Friends, Not Food
"And just as I thought the two of you were getting on so well."
Spike set his shoulder to the door next to Buffy's. Together, they forced it closed.
Barely.
"We were," Buffy panted. "Really well. We did some serious -and I mean serious shopping. She only threatened to kill the clerk once. By the time we went for lunch, she was so mellow she'd even agreed to stop dissing my favourite battleaxe. But then, when the waiter brought my starter, she went all beast from twenty thousand fathoms on me."
Suddenly, the door began to strain on its hinges while the tip of an indigo-coloured tentacle insinuated itself underneath and began to pull.
"Oh no, you don't, your majesticalness! Not until you calm the hell down." Buffy stomped on the tentacle, only for it to slide from under her boot, wind itself around her ankle then hurl her across the room with contemptuous ease.
She hit the wall and slid down it. "Ouch!"
"Oi!" Spike shouted through the door, "Sodding well stop it, Illyria, all right?"
"I will not!" Illyria's voice boomed, loud enough to set the whole room shaking. "The Slayer will pay in blood." There was a pause. "Or if not blood, she will fall on her knees and beg my forgiveness."
Another pause. More tentacles slid beneath the door, which was buckling under the strain. Then, Illyria said,
"I believe that is what you humans call an 'apology'? How you can stomach such meagre redress from those who wrong you I do not understand, but I have sworn to abide by your degenerate customs even when blood of my blood cries out for vengeance."
"Er...that's right reasonable of you, pet," Spike said, giving Buffy a puzzled look. "Hang on just a moment."
"What the bloody hell did you do?" he hissed, as Buffy clambered to her feet, rubbing her head.
Buffy gave him a guilty look. "Remember that starter I mentioned? I ordered the deep-fried calamari."
Setting: vaguely in the same post-series AU as this.
PG
For the prompt: Deep Fried Calamari
330 words
Thanks to Finding Nemo for the title (not for profit, please don't sue etc).
Squid Are Friends, Not Food
"And just as I thought the two of you were getting on so well."
Spike set his shoulder to the door next to Buffy's. Together, they forced it closed.
Barely.
"We were," Buffy panted. "Really well. We did some serious -and I mean serious shopping. She only threatened to kill the clerk once. By the time we went for lunch, she was so mellow she'd even agreed to stop dissing my favourite battleaxe. But then, when the waiter brought my starter, she went all beast from twenty thousand fathoms on me."
Suddenly, the door began to strain on its hinges while the tip of an indigo-coloured tentacle insinuated itself underneath and began to pull.
"Oh no, you don't, your majesticalness! Not until you calm the hell down." Buffy stomped on the tentacle, only for it to slide from under her boot, wind itself around her ankle then hurl her across the room with contemptuous ease.
She hit the wall and slid down it. "Ouch!"
"Oi!" Spike shouted through the door, "Sodding well stop it, Illyria, all right?"
"I will not!" Illyria's voice boomed, loud enough to set the whole room shaking. "The Slayer will pay in blood." There was a pause. "Or if not blood, she will fall on her knees and beg my forgiveness."
Another pause. More tentacles slid beneath the door, which was buckling under the strain. Then, Illyria said,
"I believe that is what you humans call an 'apology'? How you can stomach such meagre redress from those who wrong you I do not understand, but I have sworn to abide by your degenerate customs even when blood of my blood cries out for vengeance."
"Er...that's right reasonable of you, pet," Spike said, giving Buffy a puzzled look. "Hang on just a moment."
"What the bloody hell did you do?" he hissed, as Buffy clambered to her feet, rubbing her head.
Buffy gave him a guilty look. "Remember that starter I mentioned? I ordered the deep-fried calamari."